Sunday morning, Pastor Matt shared about a funeral he'd attended over the weekend. Bill Bates lost his mother this past week. He, Bill, spoke at his own mother's funeral and gave testimony to the godly life she'd lived. Well, God used that illustration to begin a work in me. My inner clockworks started spinning and set in motion thoughts of "what will my children remember about me?" And not really what will they remember about me, but will they see Jesus because of what He is doing in my life? Will Geron recall a wife who saught after God's heart in the way she treated him? Will my coworkers know who Jesus is because of how I went about my work?
Tonight/this morning, I was awakened by water. I actually had to go to the bathroom, and perhaps Cohen had cried first and that was what woke me up, but while I was up I HEARD running water. It sounded more like POURING/RUSHING water. I followed the sound to our laundry room. There was definitely water coming from somewhere, but I wasn't quite awake enough to determine what was going on. I was alert enough, however, to get Geron to come check it out. He discovered the hose attached to our washer had busted. Water covered the laundry room floor. Not only that, but there was also a good-sized puddle on the kitchen floor(a step UP from the laundry room).
In our 'flood', I began to thank God. First, for allowing me to wake up and find the problem so that it could be taken care of before it got worse. And then, for showing me that its time for me to 'wake up' in my spiritual life and get on board with what He is doing.
Lately, I have not been able to settle and keep quiet about the Lord. He is flooding my heart with His love for me and I want to let it spill over into my life so that others will see Him and want to know Him, too. There is a lot to be done/changed in me and I've found hope with Christ that it can be so. I think for a long time I have had an unteachable spirit and God is breaking that wall down.
I long for God's discipline because I know in receiving it I am loved by Him. In college, I was part of a campus ministry leadership team. A group of us used sidewalk chalk all over campus to publicize and upcoming event. I don't recall what we'd written at the time, but remember some of it wasn't appropriate. Several members of the crew were called in to the campus minister's office individually and lovingly reprimanded for what had been done. I was not one of them, though I knew the part I'd played in what had taken place. For years it has bothered me that no one called me out on that. Did God not love me enough to discipline me, too? He did! No, I wasn't taken behind closed doors and told of what I'd done wrong. But God convicted my heart just the same. Looking back over my life, God is always faithful to tell me "Lydia, you're in the wrong. This doesn't glorify Me. This isn't part of my plan for your life." Fact is, our campus minister probably recognized that my spirit wasn't ready to be taught. And how I wish I had been. But now, God is doing a work in me and I am hungry for Him.
I definitely find that my selfish desires conflict with my desires to please the Lord. I pray that my love for Jesus will always rule out over my self. I thank God tonight/this morning for loving me so much that I can't settle anymore. I praise Him for being faithful in my life. I thank Him for letting me remember where I've been but more importantly what He has brought me out of and rescued me from. I look forward to what He is going to do!
