Wednesday, May 28, 2008


 These past couple of days have been an emotional rollercoaster ride for me.  Geron and I have been transforming the nursery from a baby girl’s room, into a toddler girl and baby boy’s room.  The high points have been seeing the new furniture put together (especially Cora’s “big girl bed”)and seeing Cora climb up onto it and giggle and say “Bid duh bed!”  While picking out bedding was a bit of a chore, we finally were able to settle on something we knew Cora would love—it’s covered with ho’s. (That’s horses.) 


Of course, with any good roller coaster ride, there are major corkscrew twists and flips that just make you lose your lunch, or at least they do that to me.  In relation to the transformation, I’m referring to packing up Cora’s old clothes and giving them away.  Geron suggested it would be a good idea to hang on to just 5 things that hold a special memory—I’m a packrat, so this was a major task for me.  As I sorted through boxes, I was reminded of cuddling Cora in the hospital when she was so tiny and new.  And then, bringing her home and introducing her to her first big girl bed, her crib.  It looked sooo large in comparison to now.  We could lay her crossways in the crib and it seemed there was still a foot of space left.  Now we lay her crossways and her feet stick out about a foot!  Her baby dedication outfit no doubt was a keeper.  And then came Christmas.  There were so MANY little dresses and outfits that I loved putting on her.  I took her outfit from her first picture with Santa in and out of the box who knows how many times! Eventually, I got to Easter and had another 100 dresses, it seemed, to go through.  It’s when I started going through these dresses that I lost it.  I cried and cried and cried.  I knew I wasn’t going to have another little girl who would be able to wear these beautiful dresses.  And that’s when Revelation struck. 


It wasn’t so much that I wanted another little girl to wear these dresses.  I wanted Cora to be a baby again.  I wanted to hang on to her being little and not let her grow up.  I thought about how much I enjoyed each stage of her being a baby and of who she is now.  Would I trade my little girl to have my baby girl back?  And I realized there was NO WAY I would ever do that or want to do that again.  Parents of teenagers may tell me otherwise, but right now, I have the most enjoyable daughter and each new phase of her life is so exciting to me.  I began thinking of the look on Cora’s face when she sees me pick her up from day care and how she comes running with her arms wide out saying “Mommy! Mommy!”  I remember her first Christmas program and how she stole the show dancing and grinning and celebrating.  And her first day care program recently where she again stole the show stomping her feet to “If You’re Happy and You Know It” and raising her knees to her shoulders!  I won’t trade those moments for anything.  Her excitement over the new “Bid duh bed” with the “balls” (finials) and “ho’s” filled me with such happiness.  And recently she has learned to say “I love you” (I lud dyou)—You long to hear “mama”, you long to hear “dada”, but “I love you” . I haven’t discovered anything else like it, yet. 


So, yes, it’s been hard parting with the material things of Cora’s that bring back so many memories, but I have pictures, and I have memories, and most importantly, I have my Cora.  I love you just the way you are, my sweet girl.  Thanks for filling our lives with such great joy!


Bird's Words said...

This is beautiful Lydia! I totally understand how you feel. As much it is hard to see Bryan growing into a young man, I wouldn't trade it. That's how it's supposed to happen.. they grow. Every new phase brings new joys and new challenges. May I suggest you take some of your favorites and put them in shadow boxes that you can display on walls (even in their room?)I treasure my boxes as they are filled with some of my favorites. I kept a few other things that I love as well..Bryan's first halloween costume, our favorite outfit he wore as baby. But the ones in the shadow boxes are my absolute favs!!
I can't wait to hear her say "I love you"... does your heart good, doesn't it??

Lydia said...

Hearing her say it to me, to her daddy, to whoever or whatever--it is always music to the ears!

Gina's Rambling's said...

I almost felt a tear fall when I got to the part where she told you she loved you for the first time!! It's always hardest going through clothes and things deciding what to keep and throw away.... Hope you have been able to get through this transition of Cora's growing into a little girl.... It's hard, the next step; young lady! We're going through that with Brianna and Elizabeth both, now!! enjoy the time and cherrish each moment with them ;0) Gina

Anonymous said...

awww're such a good mommy! I enjoyed spending time with you- i wish the circumstances could have been better, but it was good to have some "one on one" time at the house with you and Cora! :-) and joni and Jeff! We shall have to do it again when all is welL!! Love you bunches. give Geron and Cora a big hug from her favorite cousin :-)