Saturday, January 12, 2008

Feeling guilty

I don't know if every 2nd time mommy experiences this mix of emotions or not, but I"m feeling kind of guilty for not being as excited this time as I was with Cora. I definitely want another child and want it now, but everything isn't just so brand new this time. 3 teachers I work with are expecting their first babies right now and they are ALL about baby talk and nursery decor and ultrasounds, etc. Is it normal to just want to play with Cora and tell Cora stories and relish my time with her as an only child? When I think about friends who have tried to have 2nd babies and have miscarried or haven't been able to conceive at all, I feel as if I'm being cruel or insensitive to them because I'm not just overwhelmed with emotion for this new little one. But I think about Cora and all the firsts we're going through with her and I just want to hold on to those moments as long as I can. She's growing so fast. Its weird to think that a new baby is going to come into our family and Cora won't be the baby anymore. She'll be the big sister, and she's not even two yet. Mommies of bloggerdom, please tell me what is going on here. Any words of wisdom?

5 comments:

Mrs. Allroro said...

I feel the same way about my new niece/nephew,

Jenn-Jenn, the Mother Hen said...

The person who could really give you advice on this is Suze at Madtown Mama (link from my blog if you don't know the URL). She just had a baby girl, and her son is 2-ish. I'm sure she can give you some tips and can commiserate with you on how you're feeling.

Not being a psychologist/psychiatrist, I can't say for sure; but I bet some of that ambivalence may have something to do with the events surrounding the end of your pregnancy and Cora's birth. It was a just a bit traumatic and stressful. That may subconsciously be part of the reason why you're a bit ambivalent about the new baby. Then again, like I said, I'm no psychiatrist, so I could just be full of bunk on this one. Love you, and happy for you guys!

Bird's Words said...

Lydia,
Scripture say that to every thing there is a season. This is your season to relish the firsts that Cora is giving you constantly. This is your season to not wish your time away with her, in anticipation for the newest member of the family. This is your season to ponder everything you are experiencing in your heart. Just because you aren't gushing with happiness all the time doesn't mean that you aren't overly joyful and thankful for what God has given you. DOn't beat yourself up about it. It is what it is. Enjoy the moment. Savor it, particularly that time with Cora alone. As the mom of an almost 12 year old, I can attest to the fact that it does go too quickly.
I love you and am praying peace over you.

heater said...

lydia...i can't say i wasn't excited the second time around, because i definitely was. but then again, we had been trying for, what, three and a half years? but, at the same time, while i was excited (ecstatic, really) for josie to arrive, the second pregnancy felt a whole lot different than the first. the excitedment and joy were different the second time around. but it also helped that molly was 5 when i got pregnant again, not 1 or 2. i know that you are excited for this little one...and i know that you feel differently this time than you did last time...you want to enjoy your time with cora, you want to watch her grow, to watch her change, to watch her learn all these new things. and guess what? you will still enjoy that! and when this new little person comes into your family, you will be just as excited as you were for cora. and you will have just as much love for him/her as you do for cora. it's so hard to explain how you can love a second child as much as you do your first. you wonder how you can have any more love to share, but God places it there for you to give away. it is amazing. i am praying for a safe, healthy pregnancy, and i expect updates!!

love,
heather

Tooz said...

This is advice from my friend Julez and was posted on her blog:

For whatever it is worth, I found having PJ easier than Michael because I knew what I was doing. And, they are/were so vastly different that it didn't feel like one was taking away from the other. Every child has different needs and wants, so you get good at being able to instantly change roles from Child A's mom to Child B's mom. Michael loved spinach. PJ would rather back off of a cliff blind-folded before he ate that pond moss. But that's just my take on it :)